20 week update

So everything has been going well the last few weeks.  I started to feel baby boy kick at 17 weeks. It is such a great feeling. He moves around so much sometimes he makes me nauseous.

At 18 weeks I went to Washington DC with our 8th grade students on their field trip. We walked a good amount and I couldn’t help but laugh that I was out walking a bunch of 8th graders. One told me I was the most fit pregnant lady she had ever seen, I am 100% not the most fit pregnant person ever but I took it as a compliment. I may have pulled the pregnancy card at our bathroom stop on the way home and cut the entire line to go to the bathroom because I was not going to make it with an entire bus load of girls ahead of me. There were a few giggles as I went running past them apologizing.

We are currently in the process of selling our house and buying a new one so our house is half in boxes right now since we have to get everything moved into units, like pods but cheaper, next weekend. Will did some packing while I was out of town for a baby shower last weekend.

The 3 of us have been friends since seventh grade and now we are all three pregnant at the same time. Due in July, October and December. While I was home at my parents for the shower I used my home Doppler to let my 90 year old Mimi hear the babies heartbeat. Her face light up and she was in tears.

My mom and I are throwing a baby shower for my sister in law this weekend so I had to leave serving pieces unpacked until after we have it. My parents will be staying at our house in the chaos of packing to move as well. Now that we have reached 20 weeks we had our anatomy scan this week!

Our anatomy scan went well. Little boy was moving and kicking but she was able to get the measurements she needed. My cervix is looking better now than last time length wise but the doctor did note that I have a low lying placenta or minor placenta previa. Placenta previa is when your placenta is close to, partially covering or fully covering your cervix. She said no strenuous activity, no heavy lifting and we will recheck it in 4 weeks when we have our heart echo. Now the more serious version of this can cause bed rest and serious bleeding as well as requiring a scheduled c-section. The hope is that since mine is more minor that as baby grows and stretches my uterus that it will move the placenta away from my cervix and we will not have to worry about bleeding or a c-section. Baby Swartz also had no problem showing off his boy parts for us.



We will be between houses for about a week with our move and had some work done to our house for the sale as well. Now that I am off work I have been trying to pack some each day so that we are ready for next weekend. There is so much going on it’s crazy. Will is having surgery on the 15th and they are delivering our units to load the next day as well as installing the new roof on our house. I am so grateful my dad is coming up and my brother and Will’s dad are also coming to help load items since Will won’t be able to help a day after surgery and I can’t lift heavy things being pregnant and with our new placenta previa diagnosis. If anyone wants to come help us move we will gladly accept the help!

Mother’s Day ’17

 I was blessed with an amazing mom who is always there for me when I need her. She has come to help care for me after surgery and when I was in the hospital last year. I talk to her almost daily because she is one of my best friends. Mom I appreciate you and love you! 

Mother’s Day has been rough for me the last 4 years. For three years I wanted so badly to be a mother, to be pregnant or already have children and nothing was happening. Last years Mother’s Day was even worse. We had lost our boys a little over a month before. I was officially a mom but I had none of my children here with me. I tried to just stay off social media and do other things to entertain myself. It was hard seeing everyone’s sweet post showing their kids or what their kids had made them or their activities of the day to celebrate Mother’s Day. I, on the other hand, was mourning the loss of my children. 

I would always cringe when well meaning people would ask “how are you celebrating Mother’s Day”. Even this year going through a drive thru the lady asked ” big Mother’s Day plan? Are you a mom?” I said I am, I am actually pregnant. 

Now that I am pregnant I have been getting asked a lot if this is my first. I try not to totally depress people with my response but I do acknowledge that this is not my first pregnancy or baby. I say “well technically no, we lost a triplet pregnancy last year around 23/24 weeks.”

This Mother’s Day has been very different. Not that we went out and had a weekend filled with activities but we got up today and we listened to our baby boys heart beat on my home Doppler and Will got me flowers and a card. 

To all the women out there, some of you I am aware of your struggles, I hope that today is what you need it to be. If you need to ignore it, mourn it or just acknowledge it. If you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out, I know how hard this day can be. Those of you that have suffered loss, you are a mom and you always will be. 

Week 16 update

Two weeks ago we went to a college friends wedding. It was so good getting to hang out with all my girl friends from college! And our favorite Tiger even stopped by to say hello. Its amazing what a difference 9 years make! I think we still looks as good as we did back then!!

college

This past weekend baby Swartz was in his first wedding, sorry buddy you were a Bridesmaid! We had a great time celebrating my sister in law Ann-Marie getting married. We loved getting to spend time with my other sister in law who lives in Iowa and her three adorable kids as well. We can’t wait to see them again at the beach this summer!!

We also got our first and second spray tans….YES the doctor said it was absolutely fine! I am hungry… pretty much all the time. I am still trying to get to crossfit at least 2 times a week which the doctor was happy to hear today at our appointment. She said to keep working out as long as I feel good or until she tells me its time to stop.

I started my Mekena injections which are progesterone in oil, to try and make sure this Boy stays right were he is until October.

Today at my 16 week appointment they measured my cervix and said she the length was good. Baby Boy was butt down with his back out so I got to see his little butt and boy parts but no face. His heart rate was 148 which is good. I bought an at home Doppler about a week ago that I have been using. That way I am able to reassure myself at home when I need it instead of having to go to the doctors office to hear it.  I can find his heart beat pretty easily and it normally says 146-150 so about the same as what we saw today.


Hopefully in the next couple of weeks we will be able to decide on a name for our little man and in 4 weeks I go back to the MFM doctor for an anatomy scan and at 24 weeks we have a heart echo at the MFM doctor. Both MFM appointments are standard for IVF pregnancies.

14 weeks!!

We have officially made it to 14 weeks! I had bad hip pain all day today, that I knew was just round ligament pain but it was stressing me out thinking maybe I was being too blah about it so I ended up going to the doctors office on the way home and she did the handheld ultrasound and Doppler for me so I could see and hear our sweet boy to make sure everything was ok.

I also have the hunger! Today for a SNACK a had an entire container of strawberries with nuttella on them 

It was amazing! That was after cereal for breakfast and before a sloppy joe, chips and dip, a cookie and two brownies for lunch. Now to figure out dinner… gotta feed these growing boy. 

The Wait…is over!

This post has information from day 5 of our embryo growth on. I didn’t post it until now because we didn’t want to share this information with anyone until we could process everything ourselves first.

2/3/17- Today I had to make the final decision about what we were going to do on Sunday. Are we going to do an embryo transfer or are we going to freeze and test. I have been so conflicted about what to do and I feel like I have been in tears all day. They called to give me the 3 day report and things are looking good but I can’t shake the feeling that we should do a transfer. The only time we have gotten pregnant was with a fresh cycle after I had surgery for endometriosis. These are the same circumstances and I feel like this is what we should do. But if it doesn’t work, am I going to feel like I screwed up and wasted time and money doing a transfer? I cried on the way to work today and prayed for a sign of what I was supposed to do. I talked to Will about it and we have finally decided that we are going to transfer two embryos on Sunday and not do the PGS testing. We kind of said we are either going to transfer and freeze whats left OR we will not transfer and test them all.

2/5/17-Today is transfer day. Will and I went and had breakfast at one of our favorite spots Biscuit Head…if you haven’t gone, go its amazing! Then we drove around and looked at all the neighborhoods over off Augusta rd. that are way above any price range we will ever have. But it was fun to just drive around and look. We got to the hospital a little early and they called us back a few minutes later. I changed into my robe and gown and they took my vitals. Then it was go time. I gave Will a kiss and headed back to the procedure room. The worst part of a transfer is having to have a full bladder and I had to pee SOOOOO bad but you have to wait 10 minutes after the transfer before you can get up and go to the bathroom. We went home and I spent the rest of the day laying in the recliner relaxing. Hopefully we just got pregnant on Super Bowl Sunday.


2/8/17- I am cautiously optimistic today. I have had some slight spotting which hopefully means implantation has occurred!

2/10/17- I am convinced I am pregnant but I don’t want to get my hopes up. My last pregnancy my first symptom was that my boobs were KILLING me when I would get home from work and change into comfy clothes. I am experiencing the same thing and I keep waking up at 3AM and I can’t get back to sleep and I am starving. Last time I had to keep a box of teddy grahams on my night stand to eat when I would wake up at night or I couldn’t fall back asleep.

2/12/17- Today was a terrible day. My papa passed away at almost 93 years old. He was a wonderful man and it was so sad to see him go but we know he is in a much better place now. I so badly wanted to tell my mom “btw I just know that I am pregnant by how I feel” to bring up her mood but I still haven’t even taken a test yet.

2/13/17- I once again woke up at 3AM starving and having to potty so while I was up I took a test and got a big fat POSITIVE!!!! That’s right as much as I knew it would say positive I was scared to death that I was wrong. I came back to bed and told Will right away that it was positive and that I was going to send a message to the office to go in for a blood draw to confirm my levels. They called me at 7:30 and said to come in and at 9:30 she called with my level. 94 I am happy with 94 considering its only 8 days past my transfer. I go back again Wednesday for a re-draw to make sure it is rising like it should.

2/15/17- Today is my husbands 32 birthday and I prayed that I would get to give him good news today. I went in at 7:30 again for my blood draw and was called 2 hours later and told that we were up to 277!!! That means we more than doubled which is great! I let Will know right away that our number went up and that I am officially officially pregnant. Now we just have to make to the Ultra sound on 3/2/17. My mom was having a really rough day after dealing with all of the stuff with my papa and my Mimi taking things hard so I decided to tell her that I was pregnant because honestly she just needed something good right now. She cried and said it was exactly what she needed to hear. We aren’t telling anyone else because we still need to see that heartbeat on the ultrasound before we tell family and we will still wait until 12 weeks to tell others.

2/18/17- I’m scared. Everyday and everything makes me scared that something will go wrong. We still have almost two weeks until our ultrasound and it seems like forever. Every little twinge I feel makes me think something is wrong. Every time I go to the bathroom I’m afraid I will see blood. I’m afraid to sneeze or blow my nose too hard. I realize, this is pregnancy after loss.

2/25/17- You might be pregnant if you cry over ranch dressing. Yes that’s right. I got my food for dinner from Zaxby’s, got home, opened the box, and my ranch dressing was punctured. I didn’t want to eat it because I didn’t know if it had just happened or had been that way and it was spoiled and it made me cry. Will said I was the only person he had ever met that has cried over ranch dressing. Today I also peed on a stick again just to make sure it would still be positive. I know, it’s ridiculous but I did it anyways. I mean, I know the other test I took and the two blood test from the doctors office didn’t lie but it still made me feel good to see that word pop up again.

2/27/17-currently I am laying on the couch in my office sucking on a mint trying not to puke. I ate my lunch and as soon as I did I felt sick. Last night I had to ask Will to finish up dinner for me because a sudden wave of nausea rolled over me, then I was fine and able to eat dinner an hour later. I also tried on my bridesmaid dress for my sister in-laws wedding in May and looks like I will be seeing if the seamstress can add a little fabric to the stomach/hip area. I am super bloated now and won’t get any smaller by the wedding when I am 15 weeks.

2/28/17- Last night  I had to ask Will to help me finish dinner because I wasn’t feeling great and had to lay down for a few minutes at work because I wasn’t feeling good but luckily I did not actually get sick but clearly yesterday was just not a good day for my stomach. Tonight I made Shrimp and grits and I was good until I started pulling the tails off the shrimp. I was about half way done when I started feeling sick but I was able to pull the rest real quick before I had to go sit down for a few minutes. I keep having crazy dreams every night about all kinds of different stuff.

6 weeks

3/2/17- Today we had our first ultrasound at the doctors office. I was so incredibly nervous until I saw that little round black spot and the gray inside of it flickering. The flickering is a heart beat!!! We are 6 weeks 2 days and our ONE little ones heart beat was 114. We are still trying not to get overly excited. The doctor said they saw a little clot/ooze happening next to the placenta and that they see these fairly often and that most of the time they resolve themselves. We go back on March 14th at 8 weeks for a rescan. At that point we will see if our little one has grown as it should and the heart rate has increased as it should and what our little clot/ooze looks like. Other wise the doctor said everything looks good right now.

3/3/17- so one side effect of the meds that help keep everything going is that they make me very bloated which in turn makes me look pregnant. Today at work someone said to me “are you pregnant?” I said no just really bloated. Sorry I lied but we aren’t telling people yet it’s a bit too early for that. Clearly I need to do a better job hiding the bloat cause our little sweet pea isn’t making me look pregnant yet but these dang meds are.

3/7/17- 7 weeks

3/8/17-Today is my birthday and I have officially decided that since 30 sucked, I am taking a redo so I am 30 again today! Things have been going fine. Still having some nausea on and off but not too bad. I am still scared to death that we will go back for our scan next week and not see what we are supposed to as far as growth, heart beat or the little clot/ooze that is going on. I just keep praying everyday that our little bean is growing as it is supposed to and its heart beat is good and strong and that our little ooze/clot has resolved itself.

3/10/17-3/11/17 Tonight we had pizza for dinner and my stomach wasn’t feeling great when I went to bed. I tossed and turned basically all night because my stomach was in knots! My stomach felt terrible all night, I kept feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom and couldn’t. I was basically terrified all night that something was wrong and that maybe it wasn’t just the pizza that made me feel sick. I didn’t have any spotting or bleeding at all so I took that to mean that hopefully things were ok.

3/12/17- I feel so bad about lying to people but hopefully you all forgive me when we tell you the truth. Tonight we had dinner with my in laws and I felt so bad lying to my mother in law about how the gym was going and why I wasn’t drinking etc. I just keep praying that everything goes well Tuesday at our ultrasound and then we can share the news soon with those closest to us soon.

3/13/17-Today I have an ache in my lower abdomen. It isn’t a sharp pain or really cramping I would say, its just an ache. It’s more to the side by my hip and I am just hoping that its my round ligaments stretching and nothing else. This waiting is turning me into a crazy person. I am just so scared we aren’t going to get good news tomorrow at our appointment. I am still feeling nausea’s on and off and especially when I get hungry. My boobs are still achy but I also know that I am on medications that would mask bad news.

3/14/17- we have officially graduated to our OB from the fertility specialist because our appointment went well. Our little ooze is almost gone so to help with that he took me off my baby aspirin. We had growth right on track and a heart beat at 170. We just can’t say enough positive things about Dr. Miller and the rest of the staff at fertility center of the Carolina’s. He listened to us and worked with us to make a plan that has brought us to the point of being pregnant again.  8 weeks

3/21/17-Today I am 9 weeks pregnant. I am still feeling pretty good just hungry! I lost a filling on Friday so I went to the dentist today not thinking about how they might not be able to do dental work because I am pregnant. So luckily they were able to do a temporary filling that should last my pregnant without having to do Xrays or any numbing medication. I am super bloated still, this is not all baby I assure you. Once I go off the medications next week I will shrink a little most likely before the bump grows more.

3/25/17- Today myself and my husband’s cousin hosted a bridal shower for my sister in law who is getting married in May. The shower turned out great but man was I totally exhausted. We ended up not having dinner until close to 8:30 and ended up feeling sick to my stomach for a lot of the night.

3/26/17-Today I did lots of laundry but I also felt sick to my stomach for a good part of the day. I’m not sure if it was because of something that I ate and because I ate dinner so late in the evening or it I was just feeling sick from being pregnant. Either way it makes me nervous. I mean how I am not supposed to be nervous!?!?!

3/27/17- I checked with the doctors office this morning just to be sure that I am supposed to be stopping my patches and crinone on Wednesday. The nurse called back to confirm that I am indeed supposed to stop it at 10 weeks and Wednesday will be 10 weeks 1 day. It scares me to death that I will be stopping the meds and won’t have another ultrasound until April 13th! I just keep praying that everything is ok. That our baby is growing like it should be, that it has a good strong heart beat and that everything will be fine.

3/28/17-today I have felt extra anxious. I realized a year ago today I took my last bump pic with our triplets. I ended up in the hospital the next day and we delivered our three boys over the next week. Tomorrow I also stop the estrogen and progesterone which adds another level of stress. Here is our 10 week pic, I had a little help from my hubby.3/29/17-So I finally broke down yesterday and contacted our Fertility specialist office to see if I could come in for an ultrasound this week or next. They had offered that we could do another one but we had so no we should be fine but I realized with this week being our year anniversary of losing our boys my stress level was a bit higher than I expected. So Thursday the 30th I am going to get another ultrasound to ease my nerves hopefully. I love that we have a doctors office that understands what we have been through and are willing to help us through this process. If all goes well we will be telling my family when we are in Myrtle Beach for my grandpa’s memorial service.

3/30/17- Today is Tuckers birthday. I have been feeling anxious the last few days with this week coming up and thankfully we have an amazing team that we have worked with at Fertility Center of the Carolina’s and I was able to go in this morning for an ultrasound of our little peanut. Our baby is measuring right on target for 10w2d which is what we are and had a heart rate of 169. I went through all of Tuckers things this morning and looked at his pictures and I have probably cried 10 times so far today. I keep telling myself I am not going to cry anymore today or at least not until I get home and then someone has some sweet words to offer and I start all over again. After my ultrasound I didn’t even know if they were tears of relief or tears of sadness. This is my ultrasound from this morning of our perfect little peanut. I’m never going to be able to fully relax while pregnant but getting to see that heartbeat sure does help!


3/31/17- I feel like today was a little easier to handle because I already felt all the feels yesterday will Tuckers birthday. I cried I little less and still went though Tanner’s box. I feel a little more relaxed after our ultrasound yesterday as well. I took a half day at work in order to drive down to Pawley’s for Ann-Marie’s Bachelorette weekend. I swear I drove on the worse roads in America going through Georgetown instead of going into Surfside like I normally would.

4/2/17- I went and had breakfast with mom and mimi today before driving home and saw dad at the house before I left. I had to stop a couple times on the way home to go potty since someone was sitting on my bladder. It was nice to get home and be able to relax a little bit.

4/4/17- We are 11 weeks today!! I totally forgot to take a picture this morning so I have to take it when I get home instead. We have one more week of hiding basically. I go in for my 12 week appointment next week and then we will tell Will’s family. We are going to tell my side of the family this weekend when we are all together. I took my car in to be serviced today and they found two nails in one of my tires which were causing a slow leak. The tire can’t be fixed and must be replaced but I am just grateful it was found since I drove to the beach and back and was about to turn around and do the same thing this weekend.

4/5/17- Today there have definitely been some tears. I was okay looking through Theo’s box but I got emotional writing his blog post and posting his picture for the first time. I have also been craving beef today! This baby wants some meat! Here is my 11 week picture 

4/7/17-AHHHH!!! Today is the day that we are telling my siblings and Grandma that we are pregnant! I am leaving work early to drive down for papas memorial service and we are going to tell them tonight while we are all together. Then we just have to keep it quiet until Easter when we tell Will’s family.

4/8/17- well we didn’t end up telling my siblings last night. My brother that lives in Memphis ended up not making it because of flight issues. We ended up telling them this morning. I told my brother and sister in law that is pregnant that their little girl was getting a cousin. Then we face timed my brother and his girlfriend to tell them since his flight didn’t make it. I also told my grandma as I knew it would be a tough day with my grandpas memorial service.

4/10/17-today my goal is to find a dress that I can wear for my sister in laws rehearsal dinner and for a friends wedding that doesn’t make it look like I just ate too many tacos.

4/11/17- We have officially made it to 12 weeks! I have an appointment Thursday with the regular OBGYN. 

4/13/17- I did not sleep well last night. I had a big day cleaning and getting ready for the realtor to come look at our house. Looks like it may be going on the market! I also think as we have gotten closer to today I have been getting nervous about my appointment. I’ll update later after I have it.  Yay!! Everything at the appointment went well. I had a handheld ultrasound so I got to see baby and see the heartbeat. The 7 vials of blood was not fun though. 

4/14/17- today I went to the crossfit for the first time in 12 weeks. It felt good but I can tell for sure that I haven’t worked out in a while. Will decided he wanted to tell his parents tonight instead of waiting until Sunday so he sent them a text to tell them we were going to grab some dinner and were going to stop by and drop off their Easter gift. So we had a hydrangea plant for his mom and then put a plum in a bag for his dad to open with a card that said from Will, Morgan and baby swartz. It was hilarious watching his dad look so confused as to why he got a plum. His mom got the card out and read it and started crying but his dad didn’t see it so he still didn’t know what was going on until Will finally said we “we’re pregnant”. When we got home we called his sisters to tell them that we were pregnant so now all of the siblings and parents know. 

4/15/17-Today Will did some work around the house to get ready for it to go on the market later this week. That’s right we are putting our house on the market and hoping to find something on the other side of town. We also called his grandpa, his aunt and uncle and my grandma. 

4/16/17-today we are going to hang out with Will’s family for Easter are going to announce we are pregnant. Not totally sure how we are going to do it yet. But I also made him take this before we went over. Can’t wait for October 24!

Patrick Theodore Swartz

Today is Theo’s first birthday. He was born April 5, 2016 at 1:49 AM. Very few people have ever seen our son. He lived for four days in the NICU before passing away. It felt like his picture was kind of sacred and only those closest to us have ever seen him or it. Unfortunately most of our family never got to meet our 3rd son before he passed away. But I feel like today is the perfect day to share our little boys picture. Just like his brothers he was tiny when he was born at 1 pound 1 ounce. He fought as hard as he could while he was here with us until we couldn’t ask him to fight anymore.

I went through his box for the first time today. When I came home from the hospital I never went through it. I’m not really sure why other than we received it at the end of a very very long and terrible journey and I just couldn’t. There were things in his box like his eye cover, bracelet, diaper, and blanket. His foot and hand prints were there as well as his pictures and hat. Most of his pictures make me sad because they took pictures after he had passed away like our other boys, but this picture, this was the day he began to open his eyes in the NICU. I’ll never forget when his tiny hand gripped my finger the first time, it was magical. Happy Birthday Theo, Daddy and I love you and your brothers very much!

Tanner Robert Swartz

Tanner was born March 31, 2016 at 4:39 AM, the day after his identical twin brother Tucker. He was born straight into heaven. I went through your box today and looked at your pictures just like I did Tuckers yesterday. I always wonder if you and Tucker really would have looked identical as you got older or not. Some identical twins are easier to tell apart than others and some try to look different. Would you two have had the same style? Same taste in girls? Or would you have been determined to be different and independent? Happy First Birthday Tanner, daddy and I love you!

William Tucker Swartz

Today would have been Tucker’s first birthday. He was born March 30th 2016 at 8:36 AM straight into Gods arms. I went through his box this morning and looked at all of his things from the hospital and his pictures. There were definitely some tears shed. I think about Tucker and his brothers everyday. He was tiny and perfect and I wonder all the time how our life would be with him and his brothers here with us.  Happy Birthday Tucker your dad and I love you very much!

The ones we’ve lost

About a week ago we lost my papa and today is his birthday. He would have been 93 today. He was such an amazing person and when we started to think of baby names a year ago Robert was perfect since it’s my dad’s name and my grandpas so it covered both sides of the family. He always made up silly little songs about stuff and loved his family fiercely. 


Almost a year ago we lost bowman… yes our dog, today was also his birthday. He was really “our” dog where as Tillman is mine and Tack is Will’s. He stayed up late with me during grad school and always loved getting in bed with us in the morning. He was also caught on numerous occasions watching TV…alone. 


And a year ago today we did our gender reveal party. Will and I already knew what we were having but our family and friends didn’t. I watched the video from the reveal this morning and I cried happy tears and sad tears. It was a great day and there are happy memories, but now I know how it all ends. ​